I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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