The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
