singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
