remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I still have a little drunk in my system
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
