I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
