bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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