I'm laying in your front yard are you home
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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