Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
