I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
