i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
