batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
