quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
wow bdsm is so cute
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
