how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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