ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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