what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
