I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
someone owes me an orgasm
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
there is glitter all over my balls
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