Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
