I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
