I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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