I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
