she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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