Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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