So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
