the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
