I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
