she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
