he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
