Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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