The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
