We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
