Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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