Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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