New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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