I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
