its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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