Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
