The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
