You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
