could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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