I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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