I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize