By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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