College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
