11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
