pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
