Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
