Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
