I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
