Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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