No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize
