i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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