Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
