idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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