im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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