I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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