you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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