You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
