I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
