I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
