Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
