College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize