HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
