at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
