girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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