Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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