I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
