Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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