I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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