well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
