does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
